Week 1

Well who enjoyed Week 1? I know I did! (said in an extremely unconvincing and forced tone). There were many mysteries afoot in Week 1 (some would even claim that these mysteries were “significant”) that I feel like we need to call in Scooby Doo and the Mystery Machine.

I mean what the heck is going on in San Francisco? Trey Sermon wasn’t even active? Brandon Aiyuk is a practice squad player? How about in Buffalo where Zack Moss was randomly inactive? And of course the Green Bay Packers and Aaron Rodgers. There were 7 players started that scored 1 or less points in Week 1 (Aaron Rodgers, Aaron Jones, Brandon Aiyuk, Mike Gieseki, Courtland Sutton, Jacksonville Defense, and Robert Tonyan) 3 of which were on the Green Bay Packers.

All I know is that Week 1 needs Scooby Doo on the case so let’s get to it…

Manager of the Weak

Well, Week 1 wasn’t how I expected our season to start. I mean yeah Aaron Rodgers finished tied as the 35 highest scoring QB for the week (only 32 teams played). But hey he looked super cool post game with his man bun. I mean he sort of looks like Shaggy in this picture right?

And then he gave this amazing LIVE interview which totally reassures me that everything is fine.

And I mean everything is fine right? He is going to do awesome on Monday night against the Lions. I just know it. I really know it will be great and just fine.

And don’t get me started on Brandon Aiyuk. The opening line from a Yahoo article sums it up for me

“Of the story lines to emerge from the 49ers’ Week 1 victory over the Lions, Brandon Aiyuk’s apparent disappearance from the offensive game plan was a significant mystery.”

The fact that he was practicing on the Scout team last week was apparently a detail that no one thought was worth reporting, but boy did everyone sure gush about his training camp and how he was the standout player at the start. This whole situation reminds me of one of my favorite clips from one of Adam Sandler’s best movies, The Wedding Singer:

So basically chalk The Commish’s Week 1 up to a “significant mystery”. Maybe that is a good thing.

Maybe it is a bad thing.

Week 1 didn’t really go as planned for The Commish, but I am confident that I would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for that meddling Kyle Shanahan. It’s times like this that make me want to channel my inner Fred:

Move of the Week

Not really any big moves but I do think we should take a second to recognize the plight of Dallas Goedert. Dallas Goedert was a 16th round pick in our draft. Dallas Goedert is also an extremely talented player that has had to overcome erratic QB play and splitting time with Zach Ertz. The key word here is “was” keeper eligible. You see KRABS dropped him for a kicker. And somehow no one picked him up off waivers thus he lost Keeper Eligibility. Only for KRABS to pick him up again on 9/12 to fill an empty roster spot. Only for KRABS to immediately drop him again for the Cleveland defense. Only for me to realize that he was a FA today and pick him up (Note: Dallas Goedert was tied for first in the NFL with 4 red zone targets. The fact that the entire league let him clear waivers can only be described as a “significant mystery”.

It’s like we all lost our glasses as if we were Velma.

MVP

Matthew Stafford, Dak Prescott, Jalen Hurts, Kyler Murray, Russell Wilson

Week 1 was the week of high scoring QBs, with a total of 8 QBs scoring over 30 points (and as a quick reminder, Aaron Rodgers only scored zero). There were many obvious names on this list with Kyler Murray, Patrick Mahomes, Tom Brady, and Russell Wilson, but one name that there was a ton of discussion on in the preason that really brought the production in Week 1 was Jalen Hurts. The offseason talk was extremely strange for Hurts with there even being whispers that Joe “Mr. Delaware” Flacco would beat him out for the starting job. And then to make it even more bizarre, the Eagles traded for Gardner “Jean Shorts” Minshew. So clearly something is off here. And then in Week one Hurts went out and basically dominated with 32 Fantasy Points and 62 rushing yards (2nd most rushing yards for all QBs in Week 1). With a bevy of weapons, his buddy from Alabama Devonta Smith, and a completely new coaching staff, can Hurts be consistent and lead this Eagles offense to a bounceback season? His completion percentage was 77% which was dramatically higher than his baseline last year so he could be significantly underdrafted if he keeps up this performance.

Congrats to Jalen Hurts for winning the Week 1 MVP award!

Manager of the Week

Remember the Mars Blackmon commercial?

IS IT THE VZRI?

No, Mars

IS IT THE WORLD CLASS BOAT CAPTAIN SKILLS?

No, Mars

IS IT HIS LEAGUE LEADING YAHOO FANTASY DIAMOND RATING?

No, Mars

IS IT HIS ABILITY TO SHOW UP AT DRAFT WEEKEND IN A FIREMAN COSTUME?

No, Mars

IS IT THE HAIRCUT

No, Mars

YOU SURE IT’S NOT THE JERSEY?!?!?

In Week 1 VZ clearly looked extremely comfortable with his BRAND NEW NEVER WORN HIGH QUALITY Joe Mixon jersey. And let me just say I think it’s a downright shame that there are “negative connotations” with said BRAND NEW NEVER WORN HIGH QUALITY Joe Mixon jersey. That jersey was a kind, compassionate, and thoughtful gift. What happened to simple thank yous and signs of gratitude? What happened to basic humanity recognizing the goodness in another person’s actions with the only goal to spread joy and kindness? I can only describe this as a “significant mystery”. I came to draft weekend looking to bless one of my fellow friends with an unexpected gift and I cannot tell you how pleased I am that my good friend VZ was able to draft Joe Mixon (who led all RB scorers with 20 points looking like a dominate workhorse that I have tried to obtain over the previous two seasons). Combine that with a resurgent Antonio Brown and a 4 TD performance from Russell Wilson and you get a dominant performance in Week 1 leading to 120 points and the high scorer of the week. I don’t know about you friends, but VZ is looking mighty good in that jersey and he definitely earned your Week 1 Manager of the Week!

I think that this calls for you being rewarded with some Scooby Snacks!

Until Week 2…

-The Commish